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Self-Harm

Self-Harm

Self-harm refers to intentionally hurting yourself as a way of coping with overwhelming emotional pain, distress, or difficult thoughts and feelings. Self-harm can include behaviours such as cutting, burning, scratching, hitting, overdosing, or other forms of self-injury.

 

For many people, self-harm is not about wanting to die, but about trying to manage emotions that feel unbearable, intense, numb, or difficult to express. Individuals may self-harm to cope with anxiety, anger, shame, self-criticism, trauma, emotional numbness, or feelings of being overwhelmed.

 

Self-harm can feel frightening, isolating, and difficult to talk about, particularly where people fear judgement, misunderstanding, or shame.

What can self-harm feel like?

People who self-harm often describe intense emotional distress before harming themselves, followed by temporary relief, release, or emotional numbness afterwards.

 

Emotional experiences

  • Feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope

  • Intense sadness, anger, shame, or anxiety

  • Emotional numbness or emptiness

  • Self-hatred or harsh self-criticism

  • Feeling disconnected or alone

 

Cognitive experiences

  • Racing or intrusive thoughts

  • Feeling trapped or hopeless

  • Difficulty expressing emotions verbally

  • Persistent self-critical thinking

  • Urges to punish or harm yourself

 

Behavioural signs

  • Withdrawing from others

  • Hiding injuries or wearing concealing clothing

  • Avoiding situations where injuries may be noticed

  • Increased emotional distress or impulsivity

  • Difficulty asking for support

 

Some individuals self-harm occasionally during periods of high distress, whilst others may experience more frequent urges or behaviours.

What can contribute to self-harm?

Self-harm is often linked to emotional distress, trauma, or difficulties regulating emotions. Contributing factors may include:

  • Anxiety or depression

  • Trauma or abuse

  • Bullying or social rejection

  • Low self-esteem or shame

  • Emotional invalidation

  • Relationship or family difficulties

  • Neurodevelopmental differences such as ADHD or autism

  • Difficulties expressing or managing emotions

  • Feeling emotionally overwhelmed or numb

 

Self-harm can also become part of a coping cycle, where emotional relief reinforces the behaviour over time.

How common is self-harm?

Self-harm is more common than many people realise and can affect children, adolescents, and adults. Rates are particularly high amongst young people, though people of all ages may struggle with self-harm behaviours or urges.

 

Many individuals who self-harm never tell anyone about it, often because of shame, fear, or concern about how others may react.

What treatment do we offer?

Support focuses on understanding the emotional function of self-harm whilst helping individuals develop safer, more supportive ways of coping with distress.

 

Therapy can provide a safe and non-judgemental space to:

  • Explore emotions linked to self-harm

  • Understand triggers and coping patterns

  • Reduce shame and secrecy

  • Develop emotional regulation skills

  • Build safer coping strategies and support systems

 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT may help by:

  • Identifying patterns that trigger self-harm urges

  • Challenging self-critical or hopeless thinking

  • Developing alternative coping strategies

  • Increasing emotional awareness and problem-solving skills

 

Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)

CFT can support:

  • Reducing shame and self-criticism

  • Building self-compassion and emotional safety

  • Understanding coping behaviours with kindness rather than judgement

 

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)-informed approaches

DBT-informed strategies may help individuals to:

  • Manage intense emotions safely

  • Reduce impulsive behaviours

  • Increase distress tolerance

  • Improve emotional regulation and interpersonal skills

 

Trauma therapy (CBT or EMDR)

Where self-harm is linked to trauma or adverse experiences, therapy may also involve:

  • Processing traumatic experiences safely

  • Reducing emotional overwhelm and hyperarousal

  • Supporting nervous system regulation

A compassionate note

Self-harm is often a sign of significant emotional distress rather than attention-seeking or manipulation. Many people who self-harm are coping with emotions that feel overwhelming, painful, or impossible to express in other ways.

 

With understanding, compassionate support, and the development of safer coping strategies, it is possible to reduce self-harm behaviours, manage distress more effectively, and build a more supportive relationship with yourself.

Immediate support and crisis resources

If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, or are at risk of seriously harming yourself, it is important to seek immediate support.

 

Trusted support services include:

  • Samaritans – 24/7 emotional support. Call 116 123 free from the UK and ROI

  • Shout – 24/7 text support service. Text SHOUT to 85258

  • In an emergency, or if someone’s life is at immediate risk, call 999 or attend your nearest A&E department.

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