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Loneliness

Loneliness

Loneliness is the distressing feeling that arises when there is a gap between the connection we want and the connection we experience. A person can feel lonely even when surrounded by others, and loneliness is not always linked to being physically alone.

 

Whilst loneliness is a common human experience, ongoing feelings of isolation or disconnection can have a significant impact on emotional wellbeing, confidence, relationships, and mental health.

 

Loneliness can develop gradually or appear following life changes such as bereavement, relationship breakdown, becoming a parent, retirement, illness, relocation, trauma, social anxiety, or difficulties feeling understood by others.

What can loneliness feel like?

Loneliness can affect emotions, thoughts, behaviour, and physical wellbeing in different ways.

 

Emotional experiences

  • Feeling disconnected or emotionally distant

  • Sadness or emptiness

  • Feeling unwanted, excluded, or misunderstood

  • Anxiety in social situations

  • Low mood or hopelessness

 

Cognitive experiences

  • Believing you do not “fit in”

  • Feeling different from others

  • Worrying that people do not truly care

  • Negative self-comparisons

  • Overthinking social interactions

 

Behavioural patterns

  • Withdrawing socially

  • Avoiding reaching out to others

  • Spending increasing amounts of time alone

  • Difficulty opening up emotionally

  • Relying heavily on social media whilst still feeling disconnected

 

Physical symptoms

  • Fatigue or low energy

  • Sleep difficulties

  • Reduced motivation

  • Increased stress or tension

 

Many people experiencing loneliness describe feeling invisible, emotionally isolated, or disconnected even within friendships, families, or relationships.

What can contribute to loneliness?

Loneliness can arise for many different reasons, including:

  • Bereavement or loss

  • Relationship difficulties or separation

  • Social anxiety or low self-esteem

  • Bullying, rejection, or past relational trauma

  • Moving home, university, or workplace changes

  • Becoming a parent or caring responsibilities

  • Chronic illness or disability

  • Retirement or ageing-related changes

 

Some people may also struggle with a deeper sense of emotional loneliness, where they feel unable to fully trust, connect with, or feel understood by others.

How common is loneliness?

Loneliness is extremely common and can affect people of all ages. Research from the UK Office for National Statistics and mental health organisations suggests that millions of adults experience frequent loneliness, with younger adults and individuals experiencing mental health difficulties often reporting particularly high levels of isolation.

 

Long-term loneliness has also been linked to increased risk of anxiety, depression, stress, low self-esteem, and poorer physical health outcomes.

What treatment do we offer?

Support focuses on understanding the factors contributing to loneliness whilst helping individuals build meaningful connection, confidence, and emotional wellbeing.

 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT may help by:

  • Challenging negative beliefs about yourself and others

  • Reducing anxiety linked to social situations

  • Increasing confidence in relationships

  • Breaking cycles of withdrawal and avoidance

 

Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)

CFT can support:

  • Reducing shame and self-criticism

  • Building self-compassion and emotional warmth

  • Developing a greater sense of emotional safety

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT focuses on:

  • Accepting difficult emotions without harsh self-judgement

  • Reconnecting with personal values and meaningful activities

  • Taking gradual steps towards connection and engagement

 

Schema Therapy

Schema Therapy may involve exploring:

  • Relationship patterns and attachment difficulties

  • Fear of rejection or vulnerability

  • Communication and boundary-setting

  • Difficulties trusting or connecting with others

A compassionate note

Loneliness can make people feel disconnected not only from others, but also from themselves. Many individuals blame themselves for feeling isolated or believe they “should” be coping better socially. In reality, loneliness is a deeply human experience that often develops through a combination of life circumstances, emotional difficulties, and past experiences.

 

With the right support, it is possible to better understand these feelings, strengthen emotional connection, and build relationships and routines that feel more meaningful and fulfilling.

Further guidance and support

You may find these trusted organisations and resources helpful:

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